


Give a Man Enough Rope

by FabulaRasa



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-08
Updated: 2010-02-08
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabulaRasa/pseuds/FabulaRasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team gets tied up. . .  again. This leads to inappropriate sharing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give a Man Enough Rope

John twisted against the rope, straining to feel the least bit of give. "It's no use," he panted. "These guys really know what they're doing."

"Well, when don't they?" In his corner, Rodney was leaning against the wall of their makeshift dungeon, knees drawn up against his chest. "It's not like we ever get to visit the planet of the Incompetent Knot Tie-ers. The Pegasus galaxy may be behind the curve in just about every other respect, but they're viciously psychotic little woodsmen, that's for sure."

Teyla shot him a look, but his eyes were closed in either exhaustion or resignation. John inched in her direction. "Look, I had an idea. If we can just reach around this way. . ."

"Oh, will you just relax? I'm sure help is on the way."

He squinted over at Rodney in the dim light. "Excuse me? Did you just tell me to relax? Since when are you Mr. Zen in a captive situation?"

"Don't be ridiculous. There is nothing to worry about. Ronon is going to be charging through that door any minute now, blowing things up and whatnot, so until then, all we have to do is sit back, not make trouble, and wait for our rescue."

John exchanged a look with Teyla. "Uh huh. Well, excuse me if I don't hold out a lot of hope. You did see the ninety-odd very large, very angry natives brandishing harpoons out there? Oh, wait a minute, that's right—of course you saw them. You were the one who made them start brandishing in the first place!"

"What? That is completely unfair! All I did was use my radio to check in with you – how was I to know about their hysterical little radio-wave taboo?"

"You know, if you were a little less high-maintenance when we go offworld, this never would have happened."

"High-_maintenance_? How can you—that is just—" Rodney took a spluttering breath. "Well, excuse me for actually checking in with my team leader like I'm _supposed_ to."

"Oh, yeah? Every seven minutes, really? Jeez, McKay, you're worse than a kid on a car trip. I've known Ford Pintos that require less maintenance."

"I do not believe this conversation is going to help us in our escape," Teyla said, her shoulder twisting with the effort of her struggle.

"Teyla's right. We better get some ideas pretty fast here. I'm not partial to waiting for our new friends to decide it's time to appease the gods. I've got a knife in my boot—if I can just jiggle it loose. . ."

Rodney snorted. "Oh, will you stop? You're only going to pull something." He settled back against his stake, closing his eyes. A slight smile curved the corners of his mouth. "I told you before, just relax. Nothing's going to stop Ronon from coming to get me."

John cocked an eyebrow. "From coming to get. . . _you_? What, 'cause you guys are so close now?"

The smile on Rodney's lips deepened to smug. "Yes, I would say close is the word for it. You might say we've. . .bonded, in the last few weeks."

"Oh? How, playing prime-rib-not-prime-rib?"

Rodney raised his head and scowled. "I would think you of all people would know better than to make that sort of remark, belittling someone's intelligence like that. And you should be ashamed of yourself – Ronon's mind may not be trained, but he has hidden reserves of—"

"Wait just a minute. Me of all people?"

Teyla was panting with the effort. "Colonel, I believe that if I can twist my left arm this way, I may be able to—"

"Yeah, good job. So you and Ronon. You've bonded?"

Rodney closed his eyes again, the smirk still etched on his face. "If you want to call it that."

"Oh my God. I don't believe it. You had sex with him, didn't you?"

Rodney's eyes flew open. "What? I never said that! What makes you think that? I would never—"

"Oh my God, you _did_. You had sex with him! Have you lost your mind, have you just gone completely nuts, McKay? I mean, he's a handy guy to have around and all, but we know next to nothing about him – you've just endangered the whole team by putting yourself in that kind of position—"

"Wow, that's some pretty amazing hypocrisy, coming from Mr. I've-Never-Met-An-Evil-Alien-Whose-Panties-I-Didn't-Want-to-Get-Into—"

"Oh, I am not, not, _not,_ having this conversation with you again, McKay, I am just, just _done_ here. Teyla, why don't you explain to Tonto here what a seriously bad idea it is to hop in the sack with the Lone Ranger in a way that endangers team dynamics and places us all in potential jeopardy?"

She shifted, wincing. "Well, actually. . ."

"Oh no." He sighed, shut his eyes. "Teyla. For the love of small animals, Teyla, tell me you didn't."

She bowed her head. "I must confess that I also have had sex with Ronon Dex."

"What?" Rodney's head whipped around in time to catch both John's nasty smile and Teyla's look of shame. "You did. . ._what_?"

"Gee, Rodney, trouble in paradise?"

"Oh, shut up," he muttered. "And as for you, Teyla, I must say I'm very disappointed that you would – when did you, exactly?"

She looked thoughtful. "Which time?"

"Which _time_? You did it more than _once_? Oh, that's just—I am not believing this."

From his corner, John began softly chuckling. Rodney glared. "Something amusing you, Colonel?"

"I'll say there is. The two of you—pathetic. Ronon waltzes in, waves a shaggy set of dreads, some sculpted abs, an ass you could bounce a quarter off of, and wham, he's boning my entire team. Pathetic."

Rodney glanced at Teyla, who raised her eyebrows, then back at John. "Oh, really. An ass you could bounce a quarter off of?"

"Sculpted abs?" Teyla enquired mildly.

"Well, what I meant was—"

"So, Colonel," Rodney said, the smug sneaking back into his voice. "When you say 'boning the entire team,' are you by any chance being literal?"

John shifted. "Look, it was nothing like what you're thinking."

"I _knew_ it! You had sex with him, too, I knew it, knew it, knew it!

"Oh, for cryin' out loud. . ." He looked to Teyla for help, who only looked back at him, a small smile on her face. "Look, it was more of a. . . a comradely thing. It was. . . ceremonial, sort of. A—a welcome-to-the-team sort of thing."

"Welcome to the team, really? Funny, I don't remember getting any welcome-to-the-team sex. What, was I in the bathroom? Stepped out for a minute? Sick that day? You know, I'm racking my brain here, but no, hey, I can't seem to remember any sex for me. Teyla, you?"

"I admit I do not recall any such ceremony."

John scowled at him. "I was showing a little kindly concern, McKay. You've heard of the concept? Look, the man has been through a hell of a lot. Plus, he said it had been a really long time since. . ." He lowered his voice. "You know."

"You know?"

He sighed. "You know. A really. . . long time."

"What, since last _Wednesday_?" Rodney spat, just as the exterior wall of their dungeon exploded in a shower of rubble, dust and moldy plaster. The dim outline of Ronon ducked through the opening, knife in hand. His assessing glance took in the three of them, then bent to slide his knife through their ropes, starting with Teyla.

"Oh, will you hurry up," Rodney grumbled.

"Antagonizing the rescuer, always a good strategy, McKay." John bent forward so Ronon's knife could start work on his arms. "You might want to be a little nicer there, Princess Leia."

"What? I am not Leia, where the hell do you get off calling me Leia? If anything, you're Leia, with all that hair. Ow, watch the knife, watch the knife!"

"I do not have 'all that hair.'" John struggled to his feet, rubbing his wrists. "I have the normal, regular amount of hair. It just looks like a lot from where you're sitting."

"My hairline is not receding—it has always looked like this, I'll have you know. You can look at my second grade picture and you'll see—oh, ow ow ow," he moaned, cradling his wrists. "I think I've lost all feeling in my hands. My God, how long has it been? How long have we been tied up? Because if I lose the use of my fingers—"

"Oh for cripes' sake, McKay, will you give it a rest? You're giving me a headache," John said, peering through the hole in their dungeon wall. "There's probably a reason the guards are gone –I bet they ran screaming through the stargate about twenty minutes ago. Probably preferred the vacuum of space to the yawning vacuum of your mouth."

"Oh, that's nice, very twelve of you," Rodney muttered, following him through the hole.

Ronon watched them go. He turned to Teyla. "Are they always like this?"

"Yes," she nodded. She narrowed her eyes in thought. "They are very. . . high-maintenance."

He nodded, too. "Yeah." He sniffed. "You're not."

She gave a small smile. "Not really."

Ronon turned and met her eyes. He smiled back, or perhaps it was a squint. "Good," he grunted. "Let's go." He ran his eyes briefly down her. "I have your six."

When she turned, Teyla's smile settled into something deeper, and as she ducked through the blasted-out crater, with Ronon close behind her, it might have been with slightly more bending than was strictly necessary.


End file.
